Building a healthy relationship with yourself and with others

Second Time Around

There’s a song by Shalamar, entitled, “Second Time Around”. Some of the lyrics are:

The second time around
Ooh, the second time is so much better, baby
The second time around
And I’ll make it better than the first time

You know I really love you
And I paid for my mistakes, yes I did, girl
The more I try to hide my feelings, baby
This old heart gets in the way and love won’t let me wait

The second time around
Girl, with me it’s better than the first time
The second time around
Let’s do it one more time, say it again

The second time around
All that I’ve been through, I’ll do it again just as long as I’m with you
The second time around
The second time

This morning I read a quote that said, “There are some things you just can’t go back to, if it didn’t work the first time, what makes you think it will work a second time.” As I was reading the quote, it made me think about the aforementioned song, and then I asked myself the question, When it comes to relationships, can you really do a “Do Over”? Sometimes relationships don’t work out simply because the timing was all wrong; sometimes relationships don’t work out because of irreconcilable differences; and sometimes relationships don’t work because you are with the wrong person.

Relationships in general, take a lot of work and effort by both people involved. We have become a society that thinks it’s easier to walk away than it is to make it work. We have adopted the mentality that there is always someone else out there for us. Allow me to add this, I am not suggesting you “settle” in a relationship. What I am saying is that if you are expecting “perfect”, perfect doesn’t exist. If you are in a relationship with someone who is the wrong one for you, no matter how much work or effort you put into it, it’s just not going to work. If you are with someone with whom you cannot work through your differences, no matter how much you may love them, it’s just not going to work. If you’ve met the one with whom your differences aren’t so different where it destroys the relationship, you’ve met someone you have similar life goals, values, and morals, but you met them at the wrong time, there is a chance that Second Time Around could work.

People often quote Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” I, too, am guilty of using that quote. One day I said that quote to a friend of mine and then it hit me, yes, this quote has some validity, and it is something you should pay attention to; however, I am not the same person today that I was 10 years ago. If they put my life on display, I would probably be embarrassed by or ashamed by some of my past actions. If a person witnessed a certain behavior I displayed ten years ago and judged who I am, what my character is based on that one action/behavior, is that really fair?

Honestly, I don’t know if second time around can work. I believe we can all find data that shows it has worked for some and it hasn’t worked for others. I don’t think there is a global answer. It is specific to the parties involved. What I do know is that if two people equally want change to happen, equally want to make it work, equally put in the time and effort, equally honor each other, equally commit to the commitment, equally give love, respect, honesty, communication, consistency, and show common courtesy, second time around can work.

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