Building a healthy relationship with yourself and with others

I woke up this morning thinking about an article written by Seth Adam Smith, entitled, “Marriage Isn’t for You” One day Seth shared with his dad his fears and anxieties about marriage and his dad told him, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy.” My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one. No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love–their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?” while Love asks, “What can I give?”

As I was reading the excerpt from the article, I thought about how important those words really are for any committed relationship to be successful. If both people in the relationship are givers, are making the other’s happiness, needs, wants, dreams, and hopes a priority, how can they not be successful? Often times, relationships fail because usually one person is doing more of the giving. Giving should be 100% on both sides. When you are in a relationship with someone who truly loves you and loves you selflessly, you won’t find yourself in a position where you have to tell them how to treat you, how to love you, or how to respect you. Their true, genuine love for you will make them want to do that naturally. There’s a quote that says, “Someone who loves you wouldn’t put themselves in a position to lose you.” If that person is not making your happiness, needs, wants, dreams, and hopes a priority, they are putting themselves in a position to lose you. Everyone deserves a love that is patient, a love that is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)

Comments on: "“In order for a relationship to have staying power, the other person’s feelings must be a priority for you.”" (2)

  1. Reblogged this on Debra and commented:
    I totally agree, but how many people really know the true meaning of Love?

  2. Many people do not know the true meaning of love because they have not experienced or witnessed it. I think that you find that most people who have sustained long healthy marriages, have come from homes in which their parents had a long healthy marriage. A marriage that is full of all the ups and downs that marriage brings. Loving people and maintaining relationships might be a learned behavior rather than innate. Love is not easy but I love this post because it is my philosophy to maintaining a healthy relationship.

    However, as @dbaldy57 mentioned many people do not know the true meaning of love. So sadly I have to keep myself motivated to not give up on love after being hurt by so many fakers.

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