“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.”

As I sit here and reflect over past relationships, the above quote is so true.  I have had a few past relationships that I have revisited, knowing I shouldn’t have.  Can you relate? We all have that one (or maybe even more than one) that has an effect on us like no other, but if we stop and think about it, if that one was so special, we’d still be together.

How many times have you gone into a new relationship with baggage from an old relationship or better yet, have you dated someone or attempted to date someone who brought a lot of past hurt, disappointment, pain or trust issues into their relationship with you?  Do you remember how it made you feel to be dating someone like that? They, just like us, can’t move on to the next chapter of their life as long as they keep re-reading the last one.

It’s no different from reading a book. Once you have completed one chapter, you move on to the next one. Often times, you move on with excitement, anticipation…you just can’t wait to see what happens next.  We should take that same approach to relationships.  How much sense does it make to complete a chapter within a book and instead of going on to the next one, you re-read the last one? Ok, ok, I know some of you will say, “But what if I am reading for school and I didn’t fully comprehend the last chapter I read, so I went back & read it again to fully digest the contents?”  This approach is one a lot of us take when it comes to relationship. We get “stuck” on one subject and find ourselves falling behind.  If you get “stuck” on that past relationship that you keep visiting, you can’t move on to the next one. You are “stunting” your relationship growth.  You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading or re-visiting the last one.

“Leap and the net will appear.” ~ Zen Saying

When I first saw this quote it made me think about another quote, “In order to receive it, you must believe it even before you can see it.”  Do you know the biggest obstacle that keeps us from reaching our goals or stepping into our destiny? Fear.  We are afraid to take the first step.  The Zen saying, “Leap and the net will appear” encourages us to step out there, take a chance, don’t be afraid of failing. If you believe you can do it, the resources will be made available to you to help you succeed.  No successful person has obtained success all by themselves.  Those resources are your net.

So, I told you fear is the biggest obstacle that keeps us from reaching our goals, well the second obstacle is procrastination.  I am QUEEN of procrastination, Yes, me.  I have a lot of great ideas, but my follow-thru is horrible.  Can you relate?  I bet you are shaking your head up & down.  LOL

Here’s my recommendation, make a list of your goals, and give each goal a milestone. Next to each goal and milestone, list what you need to achieve the goal and milestone.  Also, give yourself a timeline to achieve each goal.  As you complete one, check it off your list and move on to the next one.  Before you know it, you have done amazing things.

Take the first step. LEAP into your destiny, and BELIEVE your net will appear.

The right person will always make time for you…..

“Drama Kings: The Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy” by Dalma Heyn

This book reminds me of several of the guys I have dated.  I refer to them as drama kings because they are either too selfish to compromise or too emotionally distraught to sustain a lasting relationship or too bitter from a previous relationship.  Most drama kings are afraid to commit, not necessarily because they are afraid of commitment (per se’), but moreso because they are afraid of being hurt.  Yes, men also suffer from fear of being hurt.  Sometimes drama kings purposely sabotage relationships. Why?  To protect their heart.  Some women are misled by the drama kings. They assume that because he is being dramatic, he really does care. Also, given that women are emotional (so I’ve heard LOL) they tend to be attracted to guys who are capable of showing their emotions; however, the type of emotion displayed by a drama king is a toxic emotion, a draining emotion…….a confrontational emotion.  We’ve all dated at least one drama king.  You know the type, they appear to want to be in a relationship, but they run as soon as something goes wrong or they’ve done something to offend you, but when you confront them on it, they tend to display deflective behavior – meaning they flip it and make it seem like you did something to offend them.  Oh, and the worse drama king of all is the one who displays Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behavior. One minute he is all into you and the next minute, he is MIA (missing in action) and then when he does resurface, he can’t understand why you are upset by his disappearing act.

“Strong women, beware. You are more susceptible than most to the advances of the so-called “drama kings”–men for whom relationships always devolve into melodrama and rob the strength of the women involved. “  ~ review of the book, “Drama Kings: The Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy”

Is Chivalry dead?

I am a big fan of Bereolaesque http://www.bereolaesque-online.com/ I was reading some of his quotes today & one really stood out to me, “She wants a guy who every woman wants – not one who sleeps with every woman.” This quote reminded me of quite a few dudes I know. They have been programmed to believe that the more women they have or conquer, the more man they are. Only IMMATURE men feel that quantity overrides quality. Sometimes you have to ask, what kind of insecurities are they dealing with that requires them to ONLY value their worth through the number of women they conquer.  His book http://www.amazon.com/Bereolaesque-Contemporary-Gentleman-Etiquette-Sophisticate/dp/1438938608 has been getting rave reviews.  One of the things Bereolaesque promotes is that chivalry is not dead.  “Bereolaesque is for every man and every woman who believe that chivalry is NOT dead, and individuals who are willing to learn exactly how far something as simple as being a gentleman and proper etiquette can get you in life. Not to mention, ladies are always quite pleased to meet a real gentleman… ” I have found that men aren’t gentlemen anymore.  Perhaps women are to blame. We accept any ole type of behavior & that’s exactly what we get.  As a woman in my 30s, I find that a lot of men in my age group tend to be missing out on the “gentlemen” quality. Their egos have gotten so big until they forget how to treat a woman….wait, a lot of them just don’t care about how they treat a woman. Chivalry is defined as courtesy towards women.  Examples of modern day chivalry:

More Modernly Chivalry

1

Although all the traditional steps in being chivalrous are all well and good, there may be other things that a modern girl is looking for. You could continue using the traditional methods of chivalry and add modern tenets to them.

2

In general, modern chivalry is going to be about respecting a woman. Call when you say you will. If you say you’re going to call on Friday evening, do it. If you can’t for some reason, then send an email or text message letting her know and when you can call.

3

Only make promises you can keep. If you can’t keep a promise, don’t make it in the first place. If you think you might be able to go out Friday night, then say that you might be able to go. Don’t promise and then back out.

4

Let the woman know how you feel. Show signs of affection. Give her a kiss in public so she knows you want everyone to know she’s with you. Introduce her to your family and friends and make her feel special in general.

5

Do not disrespect the woman. Never say bad things about her to your friends. Keep these thoughts to yourself. If you have to, write in a personal journal.

6

Tell her how you feel and give things a chance to work out. If a problem arises, talk about it and try to work through it instead of just ending the relationship.

7

If the woman you are pursuing or dating is a feminist, you may even have more to consider about modern chivalry. This type of woman may not want the traditional chivalry but only the modern. She may want to split the cost of meals, showing that she is able to care for herself and that she’s not looking for anything from you. She may want you to be equals and make decisions together.

8

A modern woman may even want to pursue you once in a while. She may buy you flowers, or buy you dinner or a small gift. Take this to mean she likes you, and appreciate how far our society has come.

1 Corinthians 2:9 “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him”

Have you experienced a moment in your life when you were going through something and you just couldn’t see your way out? Were you feeling discouraged? Was your faith fading? It’s at that moment when you should reflect back on past times in your life when you had that same feeling. Didn’t God make a way? When you felt like things were not going to change, didn’t they change? There was a song the choir use to sing at my home church in Mississippi; it goes a little something like this, “As I look back over my life and I think things over, I can truly say that I’ve been blessed, I’ve got a testimony. Sometimes I couldn’t see my way through, but the Lord He brought me out; right now I’m free, I’ve got the victory, I’ve got a testimony.”  God has a plan for your life.  Every door you wanted open that He closed was for your good.  Every relationship you wanted to work, but it failed, God knew you deserved better.  That job you thought was the job for you, but you weren’t selected, God is saying that job limits you. He has something better and higher for you.  Every obstacle, stumbling block, disappointment……was preparing you for bigger and better. Don’t allow temporary situations keep you from stepping, leaping….jumping into your destiny. What God has for you is GREATER than you could ever imagine.

I’ve Got a Testimony  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viI_1rjw2Ow&feature=related

A little thing called attitude……

One of the things I liked most about growing up Baptist in Mississippi is that moment in church where people were allowed to go up and give a testimony.  We have all become so private about our issues and triumphs until we fail to share our testimony with others.  Sometimes our story might be just what someone needs to hear. So let me offer up one of my MANY testimonies.

Every day I give my FB friends a daily quote of inspiration. Sometimes those quotes are more for me than for them.  Some days I need to inspire myself.  When I was a middle school teacher, we had a banner on the wall that read, “Your attitude determines your altitude.”  At that time, I didn’t fully grasp that concept.  It wasn’t until I started to grow as a person and grow in my faith that it really hit home for me.  Very recently that quote really became my mantra.  About nine months ago, I took a lateral position within my agency, and from the very first day, I knew I had made a mistake.  I found myself going home (daily) with a headache, and sometimes even crying. I was miserable & very unhappy. As the months progressed, the job environment remained the same and at times, got worse. I started “ministering” to myself. I started to tell myself that whatever GOD has for me must be awesome.  This is a “stepping stone”, a preparation for what’s to come.  Now, as a believer, one would think that would be enough to make me feel better about my job situation. Well, unfortunately it wasn’t.  I started to experience health problems, developed a sleeping disorder, even my happy, perky demeanor had started to be affected. But two weeks ago I made a decision that I was no longer going to ALLOW the job to impact my quality of life, my health, or my personal happiness. God’s plan for me is SO much bigger than this.  The job environment is the same, but my attitude towards it changed and I cannot tell you how much better I feel.  I am back to being the happy me.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.” ~ Charles R. Swindoll